LOUISE Thompson has admitted she feels like she is “grieving” not being able to carry another child as she plans to begin a surrogacy journey.
The former Made in Chelsea star opened up emotionally about her hopes of expanding her family after her traumatic birth experience.
Louise explained that the decision has brought up difficult emotions, admitting she is still processing the reality that she may never experience pregnancy again.
The reality star said she and her fiancé Ryan Libbey are now looking towards surrogacy as they plan for the future of their family.
They are planning on a £50,000 IVF journey and will use a surrogate to add to their family.
This comes after Louise nearly died giving birth to son Leo, now 4, following an emergency caesarean.
Louise lost three-and-a-half litres of blood during the ordeal, and the source of the bleeding was later discovered to have been the result of a torn womb.
The NHS medical team operated for three hours to stop a haemorrhage while Thompson was awake and not under general anaesthetic.
She has been open about how she went on to suffer with PTSD and post-natal anxiety due to her near-death experience and has since been diagnosed with Lupus, Asherman’s syndrome, suffered a second haemorrhage, and has also had a stoma bag fitted.
The star now advocates for better maternity rights for parents across the country.
Eager to expand their family and give Leo a sibling, the couple considered all avenues, including a womb transplant, but due to her birth experience, Louise said there are options “not available to her”.
So, Louise made it her mission to learn about surrogacy.
Talking about her decision to use a surrogate, Louise said: “Surrogacy is a miracle. I genuinely believe that. It is also likely to cost me over £50,000+ with all the rounds of IVF included, which is its own kind of grief, and it means that my path to motherhood will always be wonderfully, painfully different.
“I will never feel a baby kick inside me. I will never feel that particular heaviness where you can’t breathe properly or lie on your side… the kind that makes you slow down and order maternity leggings and lie on sprawl on the sofa with complete permission.
“Nobody will walk toward me in the street and clock my bump. Nobody will say ‘congratulations’ without being told. I will never see a heartbeat flickering on a screen inside my own body. I’ll never be able to use ‘I’m growing a human’ as a completely valid excuse for being tired.
“Instead, there could be an embryo transfer. And then, nine months later, a baby. It is extraordinary. It is also very removed from the version of motherhood that seems to be everywhere I look right now.
“As someone who is very traditional, I find it irritating. Especially because I didn’t do ANYTHING wrong. I also hate that I can’t just leave things up to fate and adopt the ‘let’s see what happens’ approach.
“Yes, I’m a control freak in many areas of my life, but I never intended to have this level of control over fertility. I’m not like some mothers who time a shag in December so their child can be born in September (beginning of the school year) apparently giving them an unfair advantage…. according to Malcolm Gladwell in Outliers.
“So, why I’m writing this. I’m writing it because I suspect I’m not the only one. Not the only person who has ever felt a complicated tug in their chest while scrolling through a feed full of scan photos and baby announcements. Not the only one who smiles and means it, and then puts down their phone and just sits quietly for a moment.
“Grief doesn’t always look like weeping. Sometimes it looks like pausing on someone else’s joy and noticing the shape of what’s missing in your own life. That is allowed. It doesn’t make you jealous, bitter, or small. It makes you human.
“Things worth remembering. You can be genuinely happy for someone and also grieve your own circumstances at the same time. Neither cancels the other out.
“Our brains are wired to surface painful memories first… it’s a protection mechanism, not a punishment. The good memories are usually still there, waiting for you to reconnect with them when you’re ready.
“Now I’ve refamiliarised myself with almost all my memories, I feel like I’m a good mesh of new and old Louise and not this alien ‘new louise’ anymore, who was sometimes a little unrecognisable to friends and family.
“Moving forward fast isn’t the same as healing. Sometimes we bypass the grief entirely because there isn’t time or space for it… and that’s okay, until it isn’t.
“There are forms of loss that come with no ceremony…no scan photo, no bump, no public announcement. That doesn’t make them less real or less worthy of being felt.
“If social media feels heavy right now, that’s information, not weakness. You’re allowed to put the phone down. You’re allowed to protect yourself.
“Choosing a different path to parenthood, whether that’s surrogacy, adoption, or fostering, is not a consolation prize. But it is okay to grieve the path you didn’t get to walk.
“I don’t know exactly where I’m going with all of this yet. But I wanted to say it out loud and on a Sunday after Leo has gone to bed, when things tend to feel a little slower and a little more honest, because I think naming this problem matters.
“For me, and maybe for someone else reading this who has been carrying the same quiet thing.
“You don’t have to be fine about everything. You’re allowed to feel the loss and still show up with hope. Let’s be honest, nobody plans for the detours.
“But somewhere along the way, I’ve come to believe that it’s exactly those unexpected routes that tend to make us into someone worth knowing.
“With love, and a lot of honesty, Louise xxx”.
